


Keep calm and carry on

by yeahwrite



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: "Conceal don't feel", Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Backstory, Canon Compliant, Citadel Council, Duty, Family, Grief/Mourning, Mass Effect 1, Private Breakdowns, Secrets, Turians, because turians, is a terrible mourning style and also what's attempted here, most characters minor in appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 00:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17632712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeahwrite/pseuds/yeahwrite
Summary: Turians have a duty to their people that they must uphold, no matter what personal troubles they have.They all know this.Sparatus more so than most.





	Keep calm and carry on

**Author's Note:**

> I decided not to name Sparatus' wife in this, as there's a few headcanons about that and I didn't want to discount any of them!
> 
> The dialogue in the Shepard section is taken directly from the game btw.
> 
> Also, fun fact: "Barefaced" is also used as a turian slang for politicians, because they are also viewed as "one who is beguiling or not to be trusted".

It’s sitting alone at a desk covered in pictures of children and grandchildren, wife having long gone to her own work, that Sparatus receives the message.

[[Message Subject: Eden Prime Incident Report]]

He clicks on it with no hesitation, same as always, adjusting his reading spectacles as he did.

He’d been waiting to hear back on that one, not that there was much concern as he did.

Nihlus had been assigned to the job after all and he’d always managed to get the job done.

Sparatus really was quite proud of the boy.

 _Tremendously_ so, in fact.

He had no doubt that-

The old councillors’ mandibles flared as his heart outright _stopped._

Glasses off and cleaning them quickly, as if somehow a _smudge_ could have changed what he’d just read.

Zoom up on the text, leaning closer.

Reading again.

_“Nihlus Kryik was reportedly killed in action, during the-”_

And again.

_“Nihlus Kryik was reportedly killed in action-”_

And again.

_“Nihlus Kryik was reportedly killed-”_

And _again._

 

* * *

 

 

_He looked at the photo again._

_And again, and again and again._

_It was off a Spectre candidate, attached to a file that the Council were to review and make a decision on._

_Several details of which, particularly stood out to Sparatus, with a weight to them that felt like he was single headedly trying to hold up a planet._

_But – it couldn’t be!_

_Except – except it could._

_It very much could._

_Name._

_Birthdate._

_Place of birth._

_Mother._

_Who his worryingly familiar appearance most certainly did not take after._

_Sparatus went onto his OMNI and dialled up a contact he had not said one word to in a length of time that only heightened his concerns all the more._

 

* * *

 

 

The ping came in not long later, telling him that he needed to head back into the Council chambers.

Or, well, it could have been quite a while later.

He had no proper way of telling.

Sparatus had not moved or looked away from the message since he’d first gotten it.

Instead he’d sat there, stoic.

Unable to read it anymore but not wanting to move either.

And time had gotten…convoluted, as a concept, while he had.

But duty called now, and he could not deny it, even if it felt as if a part of him might have just died with the Spectre.

He had a hearing to attend to.

He was _needed._

Him, Tevos and Valern would all have to read over and discuss the findings of the investigation together, before they all went through with the hearing proper.

As was proper protocol.

So, forcing himself out of his stupor, Sparatus prepared to dial Tevos on his OMNI, to let the other councillors know he was on his way - and would be on time as always.

There was no other feasible way about it.

Tevos picked up only a few rings in.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Sparatus.” Came the clipped responses of the woman on the other end, clearly none too happy to be called._

_But Sparatus was happy that she had even answered at all._

_Who knows what he would have done if she hadn’t?_

_“Galenia Kryik. We need to talk.”_

_“I would have summarised that from you calling me.”_

_Sparatus pressed a clawed hand to his head and took a deep, deep breath to try still his patience._

_Treat it like at the council, Sparatus. Don’t let them get to you, don’t be irrational. Maintain control of the situation and authoritative. Be the responsible leader that you’re supposed to be. – All that, the Council Man firmly told himself._

_“Can it wait? I’m in the middle of work. I might not be a politician, but I still have my own responsibilities to fulfil.”_

_The correct answer in this situation would be yes._

_Uphold your responsibilities._

_That’s the one Sparatus should have gave._

_Should have._

_“No, it cannot Galenia, there is no delaying this. I’ve recently been delivered evidence about a particular matter and, before I come to any sort of conclusion, I’m asking you for all the facts.”_

_A glower from Galenia in the feed as her own mandibles slightly flared._

_But she didn’t hang up the call._

_“By ‘particular matter’, I’m assuming you mean Nihlus.”_

_She knew full well what this call was about then._

_“Yes, tell me-”_

_“Ask him yourself and he’ll tell you that his father is – was, spirits – Faues.”_

_A twitch of a mandible and eyes widen in disbelief, that Galenia, for all the wit he’d remembered her having, seemed to think that he as a seasoned politician could not see what she had blatantly just done there._

_How clumsily she had tried to circumvent the fact that their people did not lie._

_“I’m sorry for your loss, but I am not asking that, I’m asking if that answer would be the truth Galenia? Or just what Nihlus thinks is the truth?”_

_Even now with evidence stacking up against - he hoped it was. He desperately hoped it was._

_He couldn’t bear the thought of the alternative._

_That this whole entire time he might have had another – another… and this whole time, all these years, he…he had never known._

_He had never met or done anything at all for the boy even once in his life, like, if this was true, he absolutely should have – like he’d always strived to do the best for his children and grandchildren._

_Except…except…perhaps…all but one._

_No, don’t do this yet. He’d not gotten absolute proof yet, he should refrain from mourning until he did!_

_“Faues is the one who was there from the start. As far as I’m concerned, he’s the only one who matters._

_And there it was._

_That admission._

_That absolute proof._

_And just like that all the air in Sparatus’ lungs were gone, and his thoughts turned into one giant, agonised scream._

_Not that he showed it._

_From Galenia’s perspective, the man’s expression hadn’t even shifted._

_And when he spoke, his voice was eerily calm._

_Something that was enforced._

_He could not afford to break the calm, measured charade now._

_He would not see it crumble._

_He wouldn’t._

_He didn’t know what would become of him and his judgement if he even let himself have a moments lapse._

_Such a thing was a luxury he could only rarely ever afford._

_Even…even now._

_“Why did you not inform me of this earlier?”_

_“To what end?” Came coldly._

_“Do not pretend we parted on good terms Sparatus. I won’t have it. You left the outpost for your own ambitions, I saw no reason to contact you and drag myself into any inevitable political games of yours. I’ve seen the tabloids your sort and their associates end up on. Better me and my boy just get on with our lives.”_

_“You and our boy! Ours! And I did not leave for the sake of ambition, I left my home because there was precious little I could do for the Hierarchy at a mercenary outpost.”_

_He had wanted the best for his people, that was the entire reason he was where he is now – and the mercenary outpost he’d grown up in had been but a dead end._

_“I read his file. I know you sent Nihlus out of there too-”_

_“Yes. To be a soldier who could serve with honour and make something of himself for a greater whole – not a barefaced politician.”_

_Composure, composure, composure._

_“I could have been there. I could have been there for him. I deserved to know. Spirits, he deserves to know!”_

_“Don’t you dare!” Galenia abruptly roared, face a picture of rage, before pausing, and her eyes darting side to side so as to see if anyone else might have overheard._

_The next time she spoke, it was a hushed, venomous whisper._

_“You will ruin his life if you tell him now, do you hear me? If you say now, then even if he still gets to be a spectre, everyone will say it was because of nepotism! His achievements will mean nothing!”_

_Nepotism. A dirty, filthy word and concept, in a culture that was built upon meritocracy._

_…Galenia was right._

_She was completely right._

_This would ruin Nihlus._

_He would not be able to escape the resultant dishonour that would bring, to have even just allegedly gained such a prestigious position, in such a corrupt way._

_If this got out._

_...He…_

_He couldn’t do that to him…_

_He couldn’t._

_No matter how much he wanted to try make all this right now…he couldn’t…_

_He would not inflict such consequences of his own actions unto anyone, never mind one of his…one of his own children!_

_He…_

_“I wouldn’t have thought being a Spectre is something you would have approved of.”_

_Was all he could bring himself to actually say, in reply – the rest of his thoughts being far, far too chaotic to try vocalise._

_“I don’t. But at least it’ll mean my son still has some sort of life.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“The geth attack is a matter of some concern, but there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way.” Tevos spoke firmly, with a sentiment that Sparatus himself fully agreed with.

“The investigation by citadel security turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason.”  An agreement which he made quite clear to the humans present.

He had checked the investigation details himself.

He had checked and checked it over and over.

For even if he had from the start found the idea that it was _Saren_ who had killed Nihlus ridiculous, having known how closely the two had gotten on as a _fact_ , he had owed it to his lost son to make sure.

And there was simply no evidence.

“An eye witness saw him kill Nihlus in cold blood!”

 _Reliable_ evidence.

“We’ve read the Eden Prime reports ambassador, the testimony of one traumatised dockworker is hardly compelling proof.” As Valern himself put it.

In all honesty, Sparatus did not want to be here debating _this_ of all things - and found himself trying not to be irritable.

Something he at least partially achieved by both a great measured of restraint practiced since childhood and the art of simply _observing_ most of the debate, keeping his own words to himself.

At least…at least, even with the subject, keeping busy like this, forcing himself to view the situation from an outside perspective like this,  helped keep his mind from dwelling on the reality of the-

…He didn’t know what would happen if he _paused._

_He did not really want to risk it._

B-

“There’s still one outstanding issue. Commander Shepard’s vision. It may have been triggered by the beacon.”

Wait…was Anderson quite _serious?!_

Pure incredulity filled Sparatus at the sheer _audacity_ of hearing _that_ statement.

Was _that_ what was passing as something admissible now?!

“Are we allowing dreams into evidence now? How can I defend my innocence against this kind of testimony!”

“I _agree_. Our judgement must be based on facts and evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculation.” Sparatus brought himself to speak up again at last, unable to tolerate the turn of so-called-logic this meeting had taken.

A meeting that was supposed to be part of the investigation for one of his own children’s death!

“Do you have anything else to add Commander Shepard?”

“You’ve made your decision. I won’t waste my breath.”

Then that was them _done._

Looking at his fellow Councillors, Sparatus then gave a decided shake of his head.

There was no disagreement from either.

“The council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the spectres is denied.” And Tevos delivered the verdict herself.

“I’m glad to see justice was served.” Saren stated, before his hologram vanished entirely.

Although, the turian Councillor wasn’t quite sure he agreed that justice had properly been served here.

Because while he was certainly glad that Saren had been cleared of a crime he had not committed – and as such no injustice had occurred – he _still_ didn’t know exactly what had happened to poor _Nihlus._

Or if justice had actually been served to who had _really_ done it.

For all he knew, the geth who _had_ pulled the trigger could very much still be out there.

 “This meeting is adjourned.”

* * *

 

 

_“It is the decision of the council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the special tactics and reconnaissance branch of the citadel.”_

_“Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle. Those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file.”_

_“Spectres are an ideal, a symbol, the embodiment of courage, determination and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the council, instruments of our will.”_

_“Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defence. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold.”_

_The moment had come at last and the pride that filled him right to the brim, from the edges of his crest to the end of the talons on his feet._

_His heart welled._

_At least in this case, he could pass it off as just turian pride – that another of his own had been accepted into the spectre’s exclusive ranks._

_“This meeting of the council is adjourned.”_

_Which is why, as the ceremony ended with a final nod, Sparatus came to a decision as he watched his eldest leave the hall with Saren._

_Which is why, after offering his excuses and a desire for a personal congratulations to the new turian spectre, it was not with his colleagues that he left the hall._

_Instead, he went to approach Kryik and Arterius, who were now engrossed in some sort of conversation_

_Likely Saren offering his own congratulations on this._

_Saren who, in fact, was who spotted him approaching first._

_“Councillor Sparatus!” He called out, alerting Nihlus too, who then turned around._

_“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Saren finished, hands folding neatly behind his back._

_Nihlus meanwhile, just crossed his._

_“I would like to offer my own congratulations to Nihlus.” Sparatus answered without missing a beat._

_“It’s excellent to have another turian spectre. You’re doing your people very proud.”_

_“Thank you, sir. I won’t let the Council down.”_

_“I know you won’t.”_

_And then, just like that, it was a well wish and then goodbyes, as the two spectres went their own way off._

_And the first actual, proper, meeting between a son and his father was already over._

 

* * *

 

 

He went home after the meeting, declining an invitation from Tevos and Valern to hang back with them for further discussion.

 _To much work to do_. _He’d rather get it all out of the way and the files sent back to Palaven._

Too much to think about anything else at all.

Yes, yes, yes – he had so many responsibilities as a member of the Council.

He would…he would just carry on with them.

As…as he should.

There was nothing else to do about it, until more news about the geth came in.

So, best to just…

To…

No. Enough of that.

Fill in the files for now.

Fill in the files and try not to look at-

 

* * *

 

 

_Photos of his children, joys of his life._

_They framed his desk and would always help him get through a day that was particularly bad and taxing._

_As it often could get in a position such as his._

_So many wonderful memories captured…from first steps to first shot of a rifle._

_But now…now he knew that not all of his children were up there._

_Not all of them, would he ever get to be there for in those tremendous moments._

_And that knowledge ached far, far worse than any physical injury he’d ever had._

_And he would never get to be there for any future moments either, to even try make up for those that had been lost and take any new photos that could be proudly displayed on his desk._

_Because he couldn’t even tell Nihlus himself that he was his son._

_For even if the news didn’t get any further - which was a risk - then there would be the very, very high potential that Nihlus himself could view his inevitable spectre status as a result of only nepotism, especially with the impressive speed he’d managed to obtain it._

_And if that were the case, if he did start to believe that - Sparatus did not think he would be able to convince him otherwise, about such an utterly devastating thing._

_After all, even though it was the truth that this was not the case, he had no tangible proof of that, except his own word – and he knew that would not be enough evidence._

_It wouldn’t be for him, after all, were he in that sort of situation._

_…Sparatus had to at least tell his wife though._

_About this._

_He could tell her, he could trust her, even if he worried how she would take this._

_After all, he would trust her with his very life._

_But, even though he might be able to talk a salarian into a wrestling match and put longstanding trade embargos to a halt when it came to political talks – on this matter, he had no idea where to even start._

 

* * *

 

 

Far earlier than had been expected, Sparatus hears his wife calling his name.

“I’m in here.” He calls back, not moving from his documents.

In a tone she could only think of as _lifeless._

She slowly steps into the room, looking at him hunched over, determined to keep working even when-

“I heard about Nihlus.” She said quietly, knowing there was no correct way to broach this no matter how badly she might want to find one.

A sharp gasp-like sound from the love of her life, but otherwise nothing else.

“I’m so, so _sorry._ ” Her own voice caught as she went to stand next to him, placing her free hand on his shoulder as she glanced at all the photos framing his desk.

She had been devastated enough _herself_ to hear the news and – after doing just _one_ more thing – had tried to hurry home as quick as possible.

There would be repercussions for that some other point, for the work she should have instead finished off, but she cared for none of that right now.

For what sort of turian was she, if she turned her back on her own community? Her own family?

That might not be everyone’s interpretation of their values, but it was certainly hers!

Her work could wait, she would complete it another time.

This came _first._

“I have work.” Sparatus shook his head, voice still that eerily casual and empty tone as his clawed hands continued to type away.

She turned the computer off.

“Love, this needs to get back to Palaven in three days-” He turned around and started to protest, still clinging to the façade.

Refusing to allow himself to drop it.

“-Too busy. And after I’ve done all that, I’m going to need to…I’m going to need to tell _Galenia_. Make sure she knows.”

Cracks showing at last, in the privacy of his home with the drain of having held this up so long pushing down too hard.

In a way, she was almost glad to see this though- the thought of him just bottling all of this up until he _broke_ was even _worse._

And so, she spoke up again.

“At least they say it was a _good_ death. A _soldier’s_ death, brave, fighting the geth…”

Cracks widened with a _ragged_ breath.

“…And, it’s one you’re allowed to _grieve_.”

It was then, that she presented to her husband what was held in her other hand.

The one thing she had gone and gotten before coming home.

The photo was a professional, impersonal one, having been taken not long after Nihlus had first become a spectre and displayed over all sorts of reports in the aftermath – but professional was the only sort of ones they _had_ of him at all.

Childhood or casual, family ones were something they’d _never_ once gotten the privilege of getting to have him in with the rest of them – something that felt all the more bitterly _crue_ l now.

But, it was at least _something._

Something, which she then put on that desk, right along with the _rest_ of the children.

“This deserves to be where it _belongs_. ‘Someone else might see it’ _be damned_ now – we’ll just say…we’ll just say, it’s of respect to a fallen spectre. That isn’t a lie - it _is_. To a fallen _spectre_ and a _son_.”

And then, _finally_ then, as soon as it was placed did Sparatus finally break out into a broken, _wretched_ wail, entire body shaking as all that grief came out at once.

And all that could be done between husband and wife, was one hold the other as he continued to privately sob.

To allow himself to _properly, fully_ grieve at last.

Even if, just for _now._

* * *

 

_The next time he was in a council meeting on the matter, the impersonal façade was right back up_

_“This evidence is irrefutable ambassador. Saren will be stripped of his spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes.”_

_But this time, there was a burning, furious rage hidden right along there with that insurmountable grief._

**Author's Note:**

> I saw it being pointed out in several places that Nihlus looks dead on for a younger version of Sparatus, even having the same voice actor - and speculation about whether or not they might be related.
> 
> This fic was my take on that theory!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading!


End file.
